Salam suci

Been busy these few days. Well, eid mubarak is coming soon, and kakak is going back to Surabaya to celebrate eid mubarak with her family :) , so I've been cleaning the living hall, making kuih raya (and still making them!), going for groceries shopping, hunting food for break-fast, and well lots of stuff. I might just do this while I still have time! SO::::::::::

Salam Aidifiltri kepada semua. Minta maaf dari hujung rambut hingga ke hujung kaki di atas kesilapan dan kesalahan, terlanjur kata, terlajak perbuatan yang menyinggung perasaan atau segala benda negatif la. Di bulan yang mulia dan di hari yang mulia, marilah kita sama2 bergembira bersama keluarga dan orang yang tercinta. :) Jangan gaduh-gaduh, jangan masam muka (peringatan untuk diri sendiri jugak). Takut mungkin tak berkesempatan untuk menikmati lagi, kalau umur tak panjang kan. Mintak2lah dipanjangkan Ya Allah.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI.

and of course,

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI KEMERDEKAAN MALAYSIA.

:))))))

R.A.Y.A

Baju raya                    CHECK
Rantai raya                  CHECK
Kasut raya                   CHECK
Tudung raya                 CHECK
Beg raya                      CHECK
Kuih raya                    IN PROGRESS

Hari raya????
Cant hide the excitement. :) Counting days. What about you?

The sunshine is here

It took 2 days for me to cool off. Hehehehe. So I've been reading my own posts, and realize how gloomy they are recently. So just want to post this entry to end this misery (misery by moffats sedang berkumandang yea rakan2 :P). Raya da nak dekat (erk ade la 2 minggu lagi) da ni. Excited tak? RAYA mostly reminded me of my kampung, SAUK at kuala kangsar. The best part is the Subuh prayer di pagi raya.

Aku masih tertidur lena. Kedengaran abah mengejutkan anak-anaknya untuk solat subuh. Giliran aku pula untuk dikejutkan, liat sedikit pada awalnya, tetapi aku bangun juga menuju terus ke tandas untuk mengambil air wuduk. Beratur juga orang yang mahu menggunakan tandas, sepupu, ibu saudara dan bapa saudara. Selepas mengambil wuduk, aku mengejutkan pula adik-adik perempuan aku. Kelihatan Atuk telah pun bersiap-sedia. Aku keluar ke beranda, memang selalunya kami solat berjemaah di situ.  Jelas kedengaran bunyi cengkerik. Terasa kedinginan angin. Suasana yang tenang sekali. Aku pantas memakai telekungku kerana ku lihat ramai orang telah bersedia. Azan berkumandang. Terus kami bingkas bangun untuk solat berimamkan Atuk. Setelah selesai memberi salam dan berdoa, kami terus bertakbir. Hanya Allah tahu betapa syahdunya sewaktu itu. Kami bermaaf-maafan antara satu sama lain. Beratur adik-beradik mahu memohon ampun dengan kedua ibu bapa. Kemudian memohon ampun dengan Atuk dan Opah. Kemudian dengan saudara mara yang lain. Mula kedengaran kokokan ayam. Siang makin hampir untuk menyapa manusia. Aku bergegas mengambil tuala, tak sanggup aku untuk berebut tandas nanti. Aku antara yang pertama mandi, dan juga antara yang pertama memperagakan baju raya. 

It was such a sweet memory, still lingers freshly in my mind each time Raya comes. This exact feeling wont come twice, without Atuk and Opah, and with all of us growing up, the feeling definitely wont be the same. Al-Fatihah to Atuk and Opah, even though I'm not there when I'm supposed to, my doas are always with you. Ameen.

Sorry???

There's always caste in this world. Mostly between the rich and the poor. But there is also between the parents and the children. Some of you maybe I'm just rebelling, or making a revolution or whatever. Maybe I'm too narrow-minded or open-minded. But this has been in my mind for long.

Saling memohon maaf antara satu sama lain, memang digalakkan dalam Islam bukan? Tetapi, terdapat hukum ke yang mengatakan hanya anak-anak sahaja yang perlu meminta maaf kepada kedua ibu-bapanya? atau hanya orang muda sahaja yang perlu meminta maaf kepada orang yang lebih tua? Bagi saya, asalkan da buat salah, memang kena minta maaf, tak kisah la kalau anda seorang bapa, seorang ibu, seorang guru atau seorang perdana menteri pon.

Some thinks that as long as a parent apologizes, you should have to forgive them, but if a child apologizes, her/his parent has the right to accept the apology or not. Ridiculous right? But this has been going on in the community for awhile now. I am not satisfied with this kind of thinking. It's ridiculous to agree that older people can do whatever they want to younger people just because, they're older?

Yes, I've been told that. That I am being ridiculous for not accepting ****'s apology. Saying that I should be grateful **** is apologizing to me, and  should not ask for more. That he didn't have to apologize, but he did it for me?? But I dont think an apology can solve the case right now, especially when he simply apologize without knowing the real reason behind this. He thinks I was offended by his advice, I am cool with advices, as long as they are given by people who have the rights to do that. In this case, he doesn't have the right to say so. Because he is very arrogant, always criticising other people's work, laughing at others' incompetency, mocking others. And he has the right to say I'm arrogant? Me? Me? Me? Memang tengah panas. Yes, I admit I cannot get this over with, my hands are still trembling with anger. Ramadhan, and oh dear Allah, please help me, I don't want to be like this. Sucikanlah hatiku, tenangkanlah hatiku, agar dapat aku melakukan ibadat dengan khusyuk, agar dapat ku menikmati keindahan bulan Ramadhan. Ameen.

Saya minta maaf kalau ada yang tersinggung dengan post saya ni. Saya bukan nak menyakiti mana-mana pihak, sekadar luahan hati dan perasaan saya.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I guess my patience is wearing thin. I'm already worn out. I am very sad, sad enough to think that I dont care anymore about my existence.

I have been thinking a lot about this. Maybe everyone thinks the same. But I wonder, if there is anyone who will be crying over my death? Is my life significant enough for others to realize that I am here, or is my life better gone wasted because of how insignificant I am?

I DONT THINK YOU GUYS CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY. BECAUSE I DONT.

Someone says to me that I am a very takbur person. I dont mind that. But I dont take that advice from a very takbur person. It's like when a murderer telling others not to kill because it's sinful. It is so ironic right? I HATE IRONY. But like my mom said, be strong, this is just one of the small challenges that Allah has set up for me. I must accept and be stronger. I'll try to take this positively.

But for tonight, please let me cry as much as I want. Because when tomorrow comes, I'll not cry anymore, and try to stand against the harsh wind bravely, fighting for my own fight, for my own life, and to be able to see at least a glimpse of happiness.

sumimasen??

Huuuuuuuu, AirAsia is now flying to Osaka!!! I've been wanting to go there! Why Osaka? Because it's famous for its takoyaki, which is undeniably appetizing! :D And, the flight is around RM600 return! ONLYYY!! like seriously. Huhuhuhu. Nak pegi. nak pegi. nak pegi. agak2nya kalau cakap 40 kali termakbul tak? :P

One of my wish list  and among the first - to travel to Japan. I love the food, i love the culture, and i love the language. :) My heart and my soul. Cewahh.

Putting Japan aside, people always told me that they are amazed because I am fearless. Well, I love horror and thriller movies, they are one of the things that excite me. But, one big thing that they are mistaken is that, i am fearless towards anything. That is so wrong!! Sometimes when I am all alone in the dark, I do feel scared, a lot of things run through my mind. Like what if suddenly zombies come attacking me, or if there's a little ghost scaring me, if there's something sleeping next to me. BUT what is important is not becoming fearless, but overcoming my fear. :) For example, when I'm thinking what will happen to me if zombies suddenly came attacking me, I'll think of ways to escape or fight the zombie. If suddenly a ghost appears in front of me, I'll recite the Quran, and calmly fight the ghost. And that actually makes me stronger. I've trained myself like this since I was small. I've put myself in such position a lot of times, especially before I went to sleep.


FEAR SHOULD MAKE YOU STRONGER, NOT WEAKER.


Well, one thing for sure, I've never position myself in driving a car, I couldnt. :( I hope I have the strength someday. I guess, no one is perfect. Alasan kan? Whateva laaah! :P

frustrated

Da plan dari minggu lepas da. Nak kuar cari shawl and baju melayu sama2. Even nak berbuka puasa sama2. Very excited. Counting down the days left. Tiba2 cancel. Down. Down. Sedih. Down. Speechless. Down. :(

 Yes, this is how i feel right now. Sad. Frustrated. Disappointed. Angry. Lost hope. At times like this, I always wonder, why do I even fell in love?