Now and Then

I guess most people will be posting about the new year coming. :)

Year 2011. Alhamdulillah, I graduated from Sydney Uni. Travelled to a lot of places. Things move slowly, but alhamdulillah, I managed to get scholarship(s) to do my Masters degree. A year that I managed to experience working environment (although not for long, :p). A year that him and I are able to plan on taking a big step in our relationship. So Alhamdulillah for all that. :) Haa, and you know, a year where my sis started to wear hijab permanently, insyaAllah.

But I am still welcoming 2012. I will start pursuing my Masters degree. Will start saving money drastically for our ehem*engagement*ehem. And I want to get slimmer if possible!!! :(

Just hoping to be a better muslimah, a better student, a better person and a better daughter. I am not perfect, but I am hoping to make people around me happier each days. Arguments and fights and misunderstandings happen, so I truly apologize for any mistakes or misdoings. And dear Allah, Kau ampunkanlah dosa-dosaku, jauhilah aku dari kejahatan manusia, bencana dan gangguan syaitan, berkatilah perjalanan hidupku dan tunjukkanlah hidayahMu. Ameen.

I have this issue in mind. Ade seorang la hamba Allah ni, dia kate lebih baik bace tahlil sorang-sorang daripada beramai-ramai, sebab kalau semua orang bace yassin, siapa yang nak amik pahala mendengar. Pada pendapat saya la kan, mustahil kita tak mendengar bacaan kita sendiri setiap kali membaca. kecuali orang yang da ditarik nikmat mendengarnya la kan. betul tak? Pendapat saya boleh je bace beramai2, still dapat pahala. pahala membaca dapat, pahala mendengar pon dapat. cuma tak silap saya adabnya kena baca serentak la, tak leh tunggang langgang. ade orang mengambil mudah ayat ni. pahala mendengar da sama dengan membaca al-Quran, tak payah la nak baca. tapi kalau kita membaca, dua-dua pahala pon dapat kan? Lagipun mungkin ayat tu untuk orang yang contohnya, bisu? tak dapat membaca, so dapat la pahala mendengar. ataupun yang pekak? tak dapat pahala mendengar, dapat pahala membaca. Ini cuma pendapat saya je la. Cuma saya rasakan kalau nak buat ibadah tu, mungkin buat je la, nawaitunye kerana Allah. Pahala tu kan belakang cerita, sebab bukan kita decide berapa banyak pahala kita dapat, tetapi Dia yang menentukan. Islam itu tidak menyusahkan. :)

Okay, with this, I will end my post with HAPPY NEW YEAR! :))))

What do you want from me?

It was uncontrollable. I just dont know what do you want from me? You said to me like 10000 times how you prefer USM over UITM scholarship. Okay, I'll follow your words. And the head of cluster decided for me to choose UM to pursue my Masters, then okay. True, she replied my email quite late, and she had a lot of work to do so she will be busy for these two weeks, understandable. I totally understand her situation. Then what is the problem? Why are you asking me to choose UITM now? Why are you asking me what if she quits her job? She's a lecturer, a professor lagi tu, why would she just quits when she gives me a lot of proposal examples plus one of her student thesis for me to do my proposal? Why would you say you dont want me to be too dependent on her? I am not too dependent on her. It's natural to finalize my proposal with her. I did the proposal myself. I dont understand. What exactly do you want from me? It's not like I can apply for research degree with everyone, and just reject after they have discussed their projects with me. That's not the way. I know it's getting late, and the progress is slow, but it's getting there. BE PATIENT. I dont understand how the world works 100 years ago, but it sure is not the same now. Maybe I overreacted a bit, but the truth is, I still dont know what do you want from me. Maybe you hate my existence? I'm tired, seriously.

Warm wishes

Facebook is full with surprises. Truly happy for my schoolmate who is married and getting married. I guess, it is time for our era huh? :) Been invited by lots of samurian, but had to turn them down mostly due to transport problem, and the time restriction (betui ka ni?). But wishes all of you the best in your relationship. The recent ones are Kamal Iqraam and Muhd Haidar, my classmates back in Sri Kelana. Kecik-kecik dulu mentah main bagai nak rak, da kawin da rupanye. Hehehehe. Tahniah korang! :) Ape perasaanye ek apabila dah bergelar seorang suami/isteri? Again, congrats!

Underground and Beyond II

Heee. Okay this entry is about my trip in Wrexham, Wales. A very nice place, kinda reminds me of Adelaide, a bit. :) It's not that modern, but it's not that kampung-ish as well. Just nice. ;)

25th October 2011

Arrived like 1500-ish in Wrexham. We stayed in Holt Lodge Hotel. Had to admit that it is a very nice hotel! Nice room, nice building, nice landscape - all in one NICE! :) Was tired from the ride, so we did not go anywhere.

See I've told you! A very nice place. :)

26th October 2011

Went to Ida's university (Glyndwr Uni) because Ida and friends wanted to clear things up on their convocation. Oh forgot to tell you that yesterday Linda and Dodo joined us. :) Then waited for the rental cars. Went straight to the town, and did a bit of shopping. Heaven! I bought 3 handbags for myself! Woohoo! Did not even cause me more than 10 pounds. Just when I finished shopping, my stomach growled. (Waktu shopping lupa diri, lepas tu baru lapar! Hehehe) Ida took us to Chicken's Cottage and I had lamb burger - I know it's kinda weird to hear someone eating lamb at a chicken-named restaurant. :P Then we went to Chirk Castle - MasyaAllah what a beautiful scenery. But we did not stay there for too long, Mak rasa tak sedap hati because dah nak maghrib. Then, we went to Ruben's house for dinner, but I have not eaten anything as Mak already felt sleepy, so Ida took us back to the hotel.

At Glyndwr University

In the town of Wrexham - notice the Clarks outlet behind us. *drooling*

At Chirk Castle - a picturesque scenery

At different angle but still magnificent the way it is.

27th October 2011

Today is the day! Ida and her friends were very excited. Why? Because it was their graduation day! So congrats! If people say you do not deserve it, ignore them because you know how hard you worked to be on that stage, to earn the applause. Hehehe. So congrats again! After that, later at night, we went celebrating at a fancy Indian restaurant. Love the food! And someone asked me 'Yang adik ni umur berapa?' Woohoo mudakah aku. Hehehe. *whistling*

Congrats ida! I want to upload two more pics, but because of the pain-in-the-ass internet and I dont know how to rotate the pic, gomenasai ida!

28th October 2011

Awesome day! Because it's shopping day! Gila3! Well, mostly window shopping je. Went back to Wrexham to get souvenirs. And more handbags! *evil grin* Well the day ended just like that. But everyone has this feeling like 'Im the richest person in the world'. Yup, totally satisfied.

29th October 2011
Departed from Manchester Airport at 0900ish. Transit at Abu Dhabi again, had McD which was super expensive. Arrived at 1500-ish on the next day.

Gave up with the photo upload tool. 10 kali nak upload baru nak dapat perfect upload. Huhu. Just want to show how magnificent the design was, just like that. I thought of this design similar to plant cells - how it shapes the plant into what it is - the same with the airport. Hehehe. Too much, I agree. :)

Alhamdulillah, a wonderful journey and experience. Pengalaman yang tidak manis itu tidak bermaksud yang ia tidak bermakna, kerana ia masih boleh membentuk kita menjadi insan yang lebih baik. That is how I appreciate experience. No matter how bitter or sweet the memories/experiences are, never complain about it! There is always something you can achieve out of them, be it small or big. Live life positively. :)

UNDERGROUND AND BEYOND

Well, as promised, this entry is the first effort in sharing my journey in UK. Hehehe. Enjoy! :)

22nd October 2011

Departed from KLIA at 2040 with Etihad Airways with a transit at Abu Dhabi to Manchester. The seats were okay, not that comfy, but it was okay unless the person in front of you heartlessly leaning his/her seat nearer to you making it's impossible for you to have even a proper dinner. And I'm not sure if the air-cond is working because it's very hot in there! :( But I guess, that's expectable for a discounted flight ticket.

Me in the flight to Abu Dhabi, next to Along's mom.

23rd October 2011

Arrived in Manchester airport early morning. Waited for about an hour before riding a train to London for 2 hours. Spent two nights in Malaysia Hall. Arrived safely in Malaysia Hall at 1500-ish and then went to have Nasi Campur, and then promised Ida to wander around the city at night. But maybe because I was tired (I couldnt sleep at all in the flights!) and jet lag, I fell asleep at around 1800. Ida went into my room, but I was too tired to layan her, so she went out with Along - pegi tesco je pun because of the rain! Hehehe.

Arrived in Manchester. On the way to the Manchester airport train station. Muka busuk ni sebenarnya seharian kat dalam flight. Hehehe.

Not even a fan of Rooney and Manchester United. But my sis and mother insisted me to pose in front of the poster. Ok layan kan je laaa. :D

24th October 2011

Woke up at 0500. Quite early, berborak dengan mak, mak woke up earlier than me, and having super early breakfast (or late dinner? supper?). Malaysia Hall. I think the price is more expensive than Malaysia Hall Sydney for the guests. 11 dollars in oz is equal to 33 ringgit, 16 pounds in london is equal to 80 ringgit. And there are cockroaches in the toilet! Euwwww. But the food was nice. Ate roti telur in the morning (mak ate nasi kerabu - gila gemuk tak hehehe), then went to, ermm, let me see, yes3, we went to the Big Ben via the Underground train. I guess Sydney is a better place, well, this is my opinion. The train in Sydney is more spacious, so you dont really have to worry about not getting a seat. Big Ben is a nice view, really, but nothing too admirable. I guess I am more amazed to see Opera House and the Harbour Bridge. We went to quite a lot of places in the city, Trafalgar Square, the Museum where you can see horse guards changing their shift. At night, me, ida and Along went to the Tower Bridge. Yessss, this one is amazing! I love it!! Nice architecture, and when you look at it, you're having goosebumps! Hehe, the same feeling each time I went to Circular Quay. :) Not bad London! Oh and I love the taxi! So unique-looking. ;) I have a photo of Big Ben that I want to upload, but I dont know how to rotate it. Dang! :(

In front of Malaysia Hall. :)

At one of the Underground train station, on the way to the Piccadilly Circus stop.

Ermmm, tak tau nak comment ape. :p

In Melati restaurant. Food was so-so, I guess the taste is not as worthy as 10 pounds. betul ke tak aku ngarut ni.

Oh yes, we also went to the Harrods, barang gila mahal, nak window shopping pon tak lalu. And I dont have a clue why Ida wanted to take my photo in the Harrods pharmacy, tak commercial langsung. Hehehe.

The Tower Bridge I talked about! Super nice kan? :)

On the way to Trafalgar Square, I think? Or this is Trafalgar Square? Hantam saja lah labu.

Bau dia sumpah wangi! * mata ke atas, tangan di bahu*

Erk bak kata Along "tengok muka pon tau gatal" hehehe. Funny! :D

This looks fun - but the real deal comes when it starts moving! Wicked!

 

25th October 2011
Checked out early from Malaysia Hall. Went to the London Euston station for a ride to Manchester. If Im not mistaken the train departed at 1140, and the announcement for on which platform it will be departed was only given like 20 minutes before the departure. Waited anxiously in front of announcement screen, and ran like crazy to the platform. Kesian kat orang2 tua, lagi2 kat mak. :( Managed to boarding safely. Arrived in Manchester about 2 hours later, and was picked up by a van to Wrexham, a small but nice town in which my sis completed her honours degree. :) To be continued in the next post. :)))

updating..

Hi you!! Busy busy busy! I just got back from UK 9 days (specific tak hehe) ago. And I have a lottttt of things to do. *sigh* I have to go here and there and everywhere (exaggerating :P) to meet potential supervisor(s) for the Masters degree local. I have been focusing on the PhD program overseas as well but the progress has been a bit, err, slow. I am still waiting for the references from my supervisor and lab colleague. And tonight I am going to Penang to meet my head of cluster tomorrow. Just to confirm things on my scholarship and then will go straight to USM main campus to meet another potential supervisor.

I am given a year to find a place, well, seems like I still have a lot of time, but honestly, I dont. Time is running out! Hehehe. But I am not complaining! :)) Maybe I will try to upload my uk trip photos later. Yes, I mean wayyy later. Once I have settle things down. Hmmm so just a sneak peek from me!!! :)

Missing in action

I am missing someone badly tonight. So to make me feel better, this is it!

Ngehehehehe. Our first picture together! :)

Mood: Gedik!

of searching

I have emailed a lot of researchers for a placement in either molecular cancer or animal biotechnology. I went to Kota Bharu to meet a potential supervisor, but I'll say the chance is not that good. I am okay with that, because this is also important, meeting and knowing your potential supervisor because deciding whether you want to study under him/her or not.

I've also emailed this researcher A, and she replied saying that she cannot take me as her student because of funding issues. Well, then I emailed a different researcher (researcher B) under the same institution, and he replied saying that his area is not related to what I want, and yes that sounds logical. He offered in forwarding my email to Researcher A. I thanked him for his effort but mentioned that I already emailed her and she said she had funding issues. However, he still forwarded my email (which was nice of him!) and then suddenly Researcher A said she would be happy to take me in as her students and we can arrange a meeting to discuss on potential projects. I went to Kuantan on Sat-Sun and then to Kelantan Mon-Tues, and so I couldnt check my emails until Wednesday. And researcher A emailed me saying to "reply my email promptly if you want to pursue a MSc in the institute, as there are still MANY students wanting to join my team". What a way to express arrogance. Well, I can answer with "I also have MANY researchers willing to be my supervisor", but then if I do the same, I am on the same level with her. Which is saddening and terrifying. Heh. If I cannot handle her via emails, how on Earth can I handle her in person. Double terror.

I have some researchers who are interested, and I just want what is best for me. I hope I can do something without offending them. :( It is not that I am not interested, each of them has interesting studies in their own research area, it is just that I have to find the one that suits me the best. And of course I have to consider the probability of FUNDING ISSUES.

Toodles.

Alhamdulillah

Yes, Alhamdulillah. I have two good news. :)

The first one: I have been offered to pursue my Masters and PhD by USM in molecular oncology.
The second one: I have been offered to pursue my Masters locally by UiTM in animal biotechnology.

Well, once I have got the offer letters, I thought molecular oncology would be the best path for me, well because it involves molecular studies, which is what I have spent four long years for. And because USM is one of the best university in Malaysia. :)

However, as I started to email a lot of researchers for placement, I discover that animal biotechnology is not that bad either. Well biotechnology is the name of my degree, and the studies involve a lot of our native flora and fauna. Which is also good for my country, to utilise to provide the best. :)

And honestly, I dont mind getting a place for either one, because it is more than enough. Alhamdulillah, Thank you Allah, permudahkanlah jalan dalam aku untuk mencari tempat untuk belajar, Kau berikanlah apa yang terbaik untukku. Ameen. :)

And my life is getting busier starting from
NOW. ;)

of jealousy and nonsense

Hi y'all.

This is not about me. This is what happened to my younger sis. Well, I was offended by the statement as well as we both studied overseas.

Rasulullah said before ' tuntutlah ilmu hingga ke negara China'. As muslims, we hold strongly in what the Prophet said. And my sis's friend says it as an idiom, which is wrong, and says that 'idiom' cannot be used nowadays.

Well, not only she refused to accept what was said by Rasulullah, she also refused to face up to reality.

Well, in justifying her statements, she said that there's no reason to study overseas if you are still jobless and your job doesnt pay you much even if you are already working. That proves how narrow-minded she is.

Because what you learn, and what job you have or whether you have a job or not is totally unrelated. If you manage to study overseas, that's because of your efforts, yes, and also His will. And whether it's better to study local than overseas, that's not for you to judge because, you havent been in both situations. Like I say how can you say the watermelon tastes better than honeydew when you have never eaten a honeydew before? So this is totally illogical, nonsensical and absolutely ridiculous. I'm not trying to say that studying overseas is better than local, what I'm trying to say, is that, experience makes you stronger whether it's good or not. They are people studying locals that are more successful than the ones studying overseas, because of the things that they have chosen and decided, and the experiences shape them to be what they are today.

If you did not get to study overseas, but then you get to work overseas, that is also because of His will. If you says it is useless for you to study overseas, then fine, but never criticise others because you choose how you want your experience to be. You dont have to judge experiences that are not even yours.

I can write and write endlessly, but I dont think it is necessary. It's just that, why on earth do you study? To get a good job? If that's all in your mind, even if you travel throughout the whole world, you will never learn anything. Think deeper, broaden your view, this world is not only about you.

To my sis, dont let this kind of people discourages you. If you want to gain knowledge to not only find a good job, but also to contribute to others, and you are sincere about it, then just do it. :) It's your experience that matters to you. Not theirs if it is to discourage you. :) Good luck for your first job! :D

in love

I'm in love with this song! :)

Enjoy!

untitled

I dont know why. But somehow I feel so frustrated right now. I feel like crying. :(

soon.

I have a good news. But until the official letter comes, I'll wait. :)

Pictorial Sydney

It started with goodbyes and farewells

And it all started here

 

 

Meeting new friends

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seeing new places

Celebrating eid mubarak in a new environment

Exploring interesting history

Still meeting with new friends

Having an adventurous blast

Breakfast-ing together

Celebrating together

Studying together with biotech-mates

Learned about australia

Ride-and-raya together

Having the coolest housemates ever

Having a chance to sandboarding

Struggling for my honours year

Knowing how awesome easter show is

Seeing more new faces

And having the last dinner together :(

These pictures are still not enough for me to share my experiences, take it as a summary of the summary of my journey in Sydney. Well I should put my graduation pics to sum the story up, but there is already an entry for that. So this is it. Yes, the things that I appreciate the most are the new faces that are now called friends, the new places that are now sweet memories, and the celebrations together that holds priceless feelings. And yes, I am missing all these.

Tsubasa no oreta tenshitachi

I've watched this short drama back in Sydney, like, nearly 20 times already. But somehow, it still makes me cry each time I watched this. I dont know. How do you think a 5-year-old boy feels when he is abandoned by his parents. With no place to go, no one to depend on, the fear of dying alone on the streets. Sedih gile okay! If you want to watch this, then you can go here. Have fun! :)

p/s: The boy looks exactly like my youngest brother when he was at that age. :)

critically.sick.and.tired.

I am sick and tired. Yes.

I am sick of you who seem to know a lot about the world but at the same time are being so surprisingly narrow-minded.

I am tired of you who are always treating people based on their wealth and status instead of treating everyone equally.

I am sick to hear you complain  and blame other people all the time while you just sit and do nothing about it.

I am tired with the concept ' do not do anything that will make people badmouthing you even if it is not the wrong thing to do' - like, seriously, it's not my fault that they are badmouthing me, it's their own fault!

I am sick with you saying that I have to trust you but you do not trust me because I do not deserve it.

I am tired with how the world works.

I am sick of you who always talk about law and justice, but somehow justice does not suit you. What do you think justice are? Just law, lawyers and criminals? Then you should try harder.

I am tired hearing you criticizing and judging other people, when you are no less the same.

This kind of disease cannot be cured by any medicine or doctor. You have to heal it yourself. A human's tongue is sharper than a sword. Think before you talk. You are not perfect, heck, you are not even close to perfect. So lay low mister.

If you are this type of people, then, yes, I am sick and tired of YOU. But if you are sick and tired of this kind of people too, then that makes two of us. :)

kosong

Saya kebosanan laa. Check email, ok banyak junk mails. Check facebook, ok takde notification, takde berita menarik, da abis mengstalk facebook orang, menengok gambar2 raya orang lain. Check mangareader.net, haish takde update manga terbaru. Nak main game, tadi baru khatam main ranch rush nonstop. takkan nak start balik? Nak buek apo ni? What to do? Tengok online blog, takde update jugak. Aish. Bosan. Bosan. Bosan. So bukak blog sendiri la, lagi best. Boleh merepek, makan kerepek, sampai lembik, nak mengembek pon boleh. Kan3? So sorry la kat sesiapa yang malang dapat bace post ni.

P/s: Saje nak kecoh. Da try style tudung baru lagi. tak tau la ok ke tak, more difficult than before, but i think it's interesting to give it a try. You know, mencuba. :) A bit messy sebab ni baru blaja nak buat. Hehehehe. Oh yea, ignore the other parts of me, gemuk gile okay!

kawin terus tak boleh ke?

Resah. Resah. Resah. Ingat nak kawin terus, tak payah bertunang. Bukan ape, zaman sekarang ni, bertunang pon da pakai banyak duit, daripada kita berbelanja berlebihan, bukan kah lebih baik kalau berjimat-cermat, elakkan membazir pada benda yang tak perlu? Itu cuma pendapat saya la. Tetapi ade juga orang-orang tua yang berkata, wajib bertunang tu, tak boleh nak kawin kalau belum bertunang. Jadi saya tak mahu la membuat benda tanpa mengetahui apa-apa, saya pon merajinkan la diri untuk menggooggle tentang hukum bertunang ini. 

Dalam satu website yang saya jumpa, katenye bertunang itu adelah sunnah Rasulullah saw. Di mana yang dimaksudkan dengan bertunang adalah lamaran dan deklarasi perjanjian untuk berkahwin, setelah selesai pertanyaan dan deklarasi, maka bertunang lah satu pasangan itu. menghantar cincin dan majlis yang kerap kita lihat sekarang itu hanyalah adat.

Pertunangan itu hanya medium untuk satu pasangan itu saling mengenali antara satu sama lain. Daripada satu website yang lain pula, katanya ade yang mengatakan hukum itu sunat, ade yang mengatakan pula harus. Ade yang mengatakan pula apabila masuk meminang, dan si wanita telah bersetuju, maka pertunangan telah pun berlaku.

Alhamdulillah, sedikit sebanyak terungkai misteri yang menyelubungi saya tentang hukum bertunang ini. InsyaAllah, saya akan bertunang, tapi mengikut hukum, bukan mengikut adat. Jadi, kalau ade sesiapa yang mungkin akan terkecil hati jikalau saya da bertunang, minta maaf la sebab saya takde buat majlis ni. Biarlah duit simpanan yang tak digunakan untuk majlis bertunang itu digunakan untuk kecemasan buat saya dan bakal suami ataupun insyaAllah untuk anak-anak saya nanti.

Costume Raya

A week of aidlifitri already man!! :) This year, my family celebrated aidilfitri in our home town, Kelana Jaya. We went to Sauk on the second raya and came back on the third. :))) Well this is not the best aidilfitri that I have celebrated, but still one of the most meaningful. :) Here are some pics! Actually I just want to show my baju raya, so no details about raya just the baju ok! :P

First raya

Second raya

Third raya

I feel kinda distracted right now bcos I'm having hiccups nonstop! :( So I've gotta go now. Bubye. ;)

Salam suci

Been busy these few days. Well, eid mubarak is coming soon, and kakak is going back to Surabaya to celebrate eid mubarak with her family :) , so I've been cleaning the living hall, making kuih raya (and still making them!), going for groceries shopping, hunting food for break-fast, and well lots of stuff. I might just do this while I still have time! SO::::::::::

Salam Aidifiltri kepada semua. Minta maaf dari hujung rambut hingga ke hujung kaki di atas kesilapan dan kesalahan, terlanjur kata, terlajak perbuatan yang menyinggung perasaan atau segala benda negatif la. Di bulan yang mulia dan di hari yang mulia, marilah kita sama2 bergembira bersama keluarga dan orang yang tercinta. :) Jangan gaduh-gaduh, jangan masam muka (peringatan untuk diri sendiri jugak). Takut mungkin tak berkesempatan untuk menikmati lagi, kalau umur tak panjang kan. Mintak2lah dipanjangkan Ya Allah.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI.

and of course,

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI KEMERDEKAAN MALAYSIA.

:))))))

R.A.Y.A

Baju raya                    CHECK
Rantai raya                  CHECK
Kasut raya                   CHECK
Tudung raya                 CHECK
Beg raya                      CHECK
Kuih raya                    IN PROGRESS

Hari raya????
Cant hide the excitement. :) Counting days. What about you?

The sunshine is here

It took 2 days for me to cool off. Hehehehe. So I've been reading my own posts, and realize how gloomy they are recently. So just want to post this entry to end this misery (misery by moffats sedang berkumandang yea rakan2 :P). Raya da nak dekat (erk ade la 2 minggu lagi) da ni. Excited tak? RAYA mostly reminded me of my kampung, SAUK at kuala kangsar. The best part is the Subuh prayer di pagi raya.

Aku masih tertidur lena. Kedengaran abah mengejutkan anak-anaknya untuk solat subuh. Giliran aku pula untuk dikejutkan, liat sedikit pada awalnya, tetapi aku bangun juga menuju terus ke tandas untuk mengambil air wuduk. Beratur juga orang yang mahu menggunakan tandas, sepupu, ibu saudara dan bapa saudara. Selepas mengambil wuduk, aku mengejutkan pula adik-adik perempuan aku. Kelihatan Atuk telah pun bersiap-sedia. Aku keluar ke beranda, memang selalunya kami solat berjemaah di situ.  Jelas kedengaran bunyi cengkerik. Terasa kedinginan angin. Suasana yang tenang sekali. Aku pantas memakai telekungku kerana ku lihat ramai orang telah bersedia. Azan berkumandang. Terus kami bingkas bangun untuk solat berimamkan Atuk. Setelah selesai memberi salam dan berdoa, kami terus bertakbir. Hanya Allah tahu betapa syahdunya sewaktu itu. Kami bermaaf-maafan antara satu sama lain. Beratur adik-beradik mahu memohon ampun dengan kedua ibu bapa. Kemudian memohon ampun dengan Atuk dan Opah. Kemudian dengan saudara mara yang lain. Mula kedengaran kokokan ayam. Siang makin hampir untuk menyapa manusia. Aku bergegas mengambil tuala, tak sanggup aku untuk berebut tandas nanti. Aku antara yang pertama mandi, dan juga antara yang pertama memperagakan baju raya. 

It was such a sweet memory, still lingers freshly in my mind each time Raya comes. This exact feeling wont come twice, without Atuk and Opah, and with all of us growing up, the feeling definitely wont be the same. Al-Fatihah to Atuk and Opah, even though I'm not there when I'm supposed to, my doas are always with you. Ameen.

Sorry???

There's always caste in this world. Mostly between the rich and the poor. But there is also between the parents and the children. Some of you maybe I'm just rebelling, or making a revolution or whatever. Maybe I'm too narrow-minded or open-minded. But this has been in my mind for long.

Saling memohon maaf antara satu sama lain, memang digalakkan dalam Islam bukan? Tetapi, terdapat hukum ke yang mengatakan hanya anak-anak sahaja yang perlu meminta maaf kepada kedua ibu-bapanya? atau hanya orang muda sahaja yang perlu meminta maaf kepada orang yang lebih tua? Bagi saya, asalkan da buat salah, memang kena minta maaf, tak kisah la kalau anda seorang bapa, seorang ibu, seorang guru atau seorang perdana menteri pon.

Some thinks that as long as a parent apologizes, you should have to forgive them, but if a child apologizes, her/his parent has the right to accept the apology or not. Ridiculous right? But this has been going on in the community for awhile now. I am not satisfied with this kind of thinking. It's ridiculous to agree that older people can do whatever they want to younger people just because, they're older?

Yes, I've been told that. That I am being ridiculous for not accepting ****'s apology. Saying that I should be grateful **** is apologizing to me, and  should not ask for more. That he didn't have to apologize, but he did it for me?? But I dont think an apology can solve the case right now, especially when he simply apologize without knowing the real reason behind this. He thinks I was offended by his advice, I am cool with advices, as long as they are given by people who have the rights to do that. In this case, he doesn't have the right to say so. Because he is very arrogant, always criticising other people's work, laughing at others' incompetency, mocking others. And he has the right to say I'm arrogant? Me? Me? Me? Memang tengah panas. Yes, I admit I cannot get this over with, my hands are still trembling with anger. Ramadhan, and oh dear Allah, please help me, I don't want to be like this. Sucikanlah hatiku, tenangkanlah hatiku, agar dapat aku melakukan ibadat dengan khusyuk, agar dapat ku menikmati keindahan bulan Ramadhan. Ameen.

Saya minta maaf kalau ada yang tersinggung dengan post saya ni. Saya bukan nak menyakiti mana-mana pihak, sekadar luahan hati dan perasaan saya.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I guess my patience is wearing thin. I'm already worn out. I am very sad, sad enough to think that I dont care anymore about my existence.

I have been thinking a lot about this. Maybe everyone thinks the same. But I wonder, if there is anyone who will be crying over my death? Is my life significant enough for others to realize that I am here, or is my life better gone wasted because of how insignificant I am?

I DONT THINK YOU GUYS CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY. BECAUSE I DONT.

Someone says to me that I am a very takbur person. I dont mind that. But I dont take that advice from a very takbur person. It's like when a murderer telling others not to kill because it's sinful. It is so ironic right? I HATE IRONY. But like my mom said, be strong, this is just one of the small challenges that Allah has set up for me. I must accept and be stronger. I'll try to take this positively.

But for tonight, please let me cry as much as I want. Because when tomorrow comes, I'll not cry anymore, and try to stand against the harsh wind bravely, fighting for my own fight, for my own life, and to be able to see at least a glimpse of happiness.

sumimasen??

Huuuuuuuu, AirAsia is now flying to Osaka!!! I've been wanting to go there! Why Osaka? Because it's famous for its takoyaki, which is undeniably appetizing! :D And, the flight is around RM600 return! ONLYYY!! like seriously. Huhuhuhu. Nak pegi. nak pegi. nak pegi. agak2nya kalau cakap 40 kali termakbul tak? :P

One of my wish list  and among the first - to travel to Japan. I love the food, i love the culture, and i love the language. :) My heart and my soul. Cewahh.

Putting Japan aside, people always told me that they are amazed because I am fearless. Well, I love horror and thriller movies, they are one of the things that excite me. But, one big thing that they are mistaken is that, i am fearless towards anything. That is so wrong!! Sometimes when I am all alone in the dark, I do feel scared, a lot of things run through my mind. Like what if suddenly zombies come attacking me, or if there's a little ghost scaring me, if there's something sleeping next to me. BUT what is important is not becoming fearless, but overcoming my fear. :) For example, when I'm thinking what will happen to me if zombies suddenly came attacking me, I'll think of ways to escape or fight the zombie. If suddenly a ghost appears in front of me, I'll recite the Quran, and calmly fight the ghost. And that actually makes me stronger. I've trained myself like this since I was small. I've put myself in such position a lot of times, especially before I went to sleep.


FEAR SHOULD MAKE YOU STRONGER, NOT WEAKER.


Well, one thing for sure, I've never position myself in driving a car, I couldnt. :( I hope I have the strength someday. I guess, no one is perfect. Alasan kan? Whateva laaah! :P

frustrated

Da plan dari minggu lepas da. Nak kuar cari shawl and baju melayu sama2. Even nak berbuka puasa sama2. Very excited. Counting down the days left. Tiba2 cancel. Down. Down. Sedih. Down. Speechless. Down. :(

 Yes, this is how i feel right now. Sad. Frustrated. Disappointed. Angry. Lost hope. At times like this, I always wonder, why do I even fell in love?

of new bag!! :D

Yay baru dapat beg tadi!! Thanks to CalaMan! :) Ngehehehe, gambar tak nak update because tak surprise la beg raya nanti. kan3? :) Esok mahu bershopping kat masjid jamek with cik abang. :))))))) 

Ok saje je bosan tak tau nak watpe. hehehehe. :P

The wonder of Kota Kinabalu

I feel guilty because I remember I made a promise last week, although it's kinda late tonight, I'll give my all to share about my trip to kota kinabalu. NOW IN CINEMA. lol.

Day 1

We departed from lcct early in the morning around 7am, and arrived in KK at about 10am. Abah rented a Myvi Waja, and we went straight to the hotel to check in. Well, I must admit the location is a bit off but good enough for me (Abah didnt like it). The hotel's name is 1City Hotel, and it wasnt as bad as it looks. Maybe because of the location (near Segama complex), it looks cheap and messy and stuff, but it is actually a nice hotel. We booked a family room for RM148 nett, and the room is superbly spacious (one single and one queen bed), interior design is extraordinary, the bathroom is super clean and nice ( Ida loveeee it! :P). And it is within walking distance to KFC and Burger King. Then after we checked in, we went to Kundasang. On our way, there was this accident, and we could see the dead bodies in the lorry. Scary! :( We had lunch at this one gerai, which is very gross unpleasant, so many lalatttt!!! Nasib baik tak food poisoning! Ijah and family also went to KK, and we met at the gerai. After that, we went to Kinabalu Park, it was foggy, and drizzling. The weather is nice, not that cold and not that hot, but because it was drizzling, we just captured some pics and went to the place where ijah stayed. Nice one!! :) sempat pekena maggi sayur, itu pon da macam hepi semacam. Hehehehe. We went back to KK, and had our dinner at this one expensive restaurant. I think the food was okay but not as worthy as the price claimed to be.

Day 2

It was raining. :( We planned to go snorkelling but sadly, there's nothing that we can do. It was inevitable. So we went to Muzium Sabah, mak didnt want to go out sebab hujan kan. Ida pon cam pemalas je. Tapi abah like so excited, rase bersalah la plak kan kalo tak turun, so paksa Izzat teman skali. Hehehehe. We went to have a look at the cultural village. It was nice, and it's free!! :)) But then, the rain stopped and we decided to go to the wharf, to ask if it's possible to go to some of the islands. And the answer is YES!! :) Although unexpected, we went to the Manukan island by boat, I LOVE THE RIDE!! We went snorkelling, although, ehem, i have to admit, i have no talent at all in snorkelling. I feel suffocated, and each time I went under water, I had trouble breathing, and I tried to inhale as much air as I could via my nose. and ended up drowning. well, sort of. ;) Then, gave up, waited for the boat, then went back to the hotel. Izzat and abah rushed to the airport (gile kan semalam je diorg pegi KK, izzat siap ponteng skolah lagi!). Had burger king for dinner.

Day 3

Walked to the Filipino Market. Took about 30 min (sebab mak jalan slow kan :P). Time tu gilaaaaaaa!!!! Shopping shopping and shopping!! Pearl brooches, rings, bracelets and watch. Yes i bought all that plus some souvenirs for edy's family. :) Met ijah and family there. Then went back to hotel, lepak2, makan2, solat, then kuar balik. I dont remember exactly where. tapi i think sempat beli baju. :) day full of shopping.

Day 4

Our last day here. Checked out, but we were allowed to put our bags in the store. so mak went to buy keropok, kek lapis and also frozen prawns. had lunch at secret recipe. yes, kitorg tak banyak makan kt local stalls or restaurants takut tak halal and food poisoning (had experience with food poisoning in Kuching). Then went to the airport and bubye Kota Kinabalu! :(((((

Erk, sebab sibuk sangat shopping , takde gambar la day 3 and day 4. :P